Messin’ with Mark – A Divine Comedy, Episode 1 – “The Wad of Bubble Gum”

computer-God

 

Welcome to episode 1 of Messin’ with Mark, God’s sitcom! Let me tell you how it started . . .

When I was very young, Jesus was walking around in His heavenly area up there when he saw his Dad looking down through the clouds, laughing His head off. Curious, he walked over and asked, “What’s up, Pop?”

“Oh, just pranking that Mark kid again,” He replied.

Again?” Jesus asked, “Why are You always picking on him?”

I don’t know. There’s just something about him,” God said. “I mean, look at his face right now.”

Jesus looked down and started to chuckle, then stopped Himself. “Okay, I admit it’s kind of funny, but this is wrong. I mean, You created him. With all due respect, what kind of an example are you setting for the angels? We’re supposed to love and protect humanity, not single one out from all the rest for humiliation.”

God thought for a moment, then looked at Jesus and said, “You’re right. I should stop.” They looked at each other seriously, then said, “Naaaaaaaahhh” and laughed some more.

Jesus suggested that he make a regular show of his pranks on me. They named it Messin’ with Mark. 

Remember Rodney Dangerfield’s bit about getting “no respect” from humans? It’s kind of like that, but on a cosmic level.

So, to today’s episode – The Wad of Bubble Gum.

gum I had just dropped my daughter off at school. I was walking back home when I saw a giant, pink blob of chewing gum right in the middle of the sidewalk. I didn’t want some kid to step on it so I tried to kick it into a tree planter about ten feet away, but I kicked it too hard and it flew right past the planter and landed on the windshield of an occupied car. The lady behind the wheel had to look around it to see where it came from. Of course, when she saw me standing there with a mortified expression, she said, “Whyyyyyyyyy?”

What could I say? She got out of the car. I went over and tried to explain. Fortunately, being a mom, she had a bag of baby wipes in her car which I used to extract the pink blob from her windshield. As I was doing so, I apologized that God had included her in His daily sitcom starring me.
“You may not know me here,” I said, “but I’m big in heaven.”
She already thought I was crazy for kicking bubble gum onto her windshield, but that cinched it. She left me standing on the sidewalk with a bubble gum filled baby wipe.

Meanwhile, in heaven, Jesus said, “Forget what I said, Dad. That is some top-drawer comedy. What’s the name of the show?”
“I call it Messin’ with Mark,” God replied.
“Perfect!” Jesus said, “Call Me when the next episode is starting.”

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