I’m always asking for signs from my father, who passed away in December of 2014, to let me know he’s okay and no longer plagued by Parkinson’s Disease and Dementia.
Last night was particularly bad. I was looking at this photo from my last blog post of my parents and older brother, who is also gone now for twenty years.
He looks a lot like my daughters, and is the blank slate I see them as. Limitless potential. Potential I now know was wasted because of mental illness and drug addiction.
Looking at his then cherubic face, and the youthful face of my father before he was erased by brain diseases, I wept and asked them, “What happened to us? Where did you go?”
What is it about the night? Are demons freed that daylight chases into the shadows?
It seems one or both of them may have heard me because this morning as I was gardening, this shamrock appeared on the ground from some random water spillage.
My father was fiercely Irish, so maybe this is his way of trying to comfort me. A little penny from heaven. A peek through the curtains.
I often wonder why God just doesn’t part the clouds and say hello, or send us down a DVD of heaven so we can all have a clear, definite vision of what to look forward to.
Maybe God is like someone planning a surprise party. Maybe He doesn’t want to give it all away too soon or easily because He takes such delight in our arrival. But if someone begs Him enough, He allows a little message to come through.
All I know is this is exactly what my dad would send to me, and right after I asked for it. Life is either a mystery, or it is nothing. It feels much more like a mystery to me so I’ll continue to seek My Heavenly Father – and my earthly one.